you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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