I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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