I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
