ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Welp...herpes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
