so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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