We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
