I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you had me at cake vodka
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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