where am i from again
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
