she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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