Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
