I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
