I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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