i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
