they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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