So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
