i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
