if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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