No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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