I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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