Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
