They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
