lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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