plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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