Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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