just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
