I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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