i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
