Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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