she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
