just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
