this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
COCAINE IS GR8
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