I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
