I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
