Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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