Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
