I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
