I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize