Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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