I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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