Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
