its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
