I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
