clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish you could order shots online.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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