Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found your dick twin last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
