I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
