So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
