I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
