Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry about my life...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
