you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
