after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
