The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
smell my finger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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