Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
