After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
