Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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