They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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