I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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