when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
