Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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