I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
