Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
