After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
