meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
