I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
