A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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