Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
