i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
