the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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