did you get engaged???
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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