He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
