they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As shirtless as possible
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
