you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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