Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
