the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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