thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
