Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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