Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
