Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
