is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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