Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
