i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
