You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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