is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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